Piercing the Veil of PARRRRRadise

This past Saturday I had the distinct pleasure of venturing out of San Francisco with some fellow scallywags to attend the 2^nd Annual NorCal Pirate Festival. That morning, after getting myself appropriately dressed with my best pirate gear (mostly rolled up khakis and a white dress shirt worn as disheveledly as possible) I made my way to the secret pirate cove (a.k.a. friend’s apartment) that was to serve as our meeting place. Here we shared all the pirate-y things various folks had acquired, from eye patches, to hats, to wigs, and even tape on beards and mustaches.

By the end we were all sporting a number of unique pirate items: hooks, Johnny Depp style facial hair, bandannas, neck tattoos, studded eye patches, big leather belts, a sash of skulls (yeah I said sash of skulls). One thing though that became painfully clear as the group of four guys stood about: it’s difficult for professional guys to put together a unique looking base outfit. Each and every one of us was dressed in matching Khakis and white shirts. Solution: meet the white and khaki klan! All outfitted we made our way to the ships—er cars—to begin our journey!

As there were six of us though, we could not fit in a single car. Though we divided easily enough, our pirate pride soon kicked in, and as all good pirates do from time to time, we began the infighting. Just some healthy competition, since nothing keeps a pirate on his toes like the looming of imminent danger! Alas no one challenged anyone to a duel—that comes later—but there was a clear gauntlet thrown on the superior ship car (I need to stop doing that, eh?). Captained by the Mighty Melissa was the “cool” car, crewed by my roommate and me; our bane on the highways seas was the “fun” car captained by April “Rackem” and crewed by Dave and Dan. Sadly the ride there was inconclusive as to the superiority of each vehicle—but time would soon reveal a clear winner.

Arriving at the Pirate Fest we excitedly donned the last of our pirate gear and followed the thralls to the entrance. Erected to great us was a large ship mast proudly flying the skull and bones; at its base, a collection of mermaids. It was from here that the true revelry began. Shops and stores of all kinds were punctuated by medieval versions of arcade style games. There was a stage for rotating shoes, and roped off sections providing little vignettes of what ‘life as a pirate’. Toward the end of our time there, they also had a fake raid on those vignette encampments by a ship off the shore…a real ship. With everyone gathered around by the water, the ship made closes passes to the shore and exchanged cannon fire with those on shore. Perhaps the most entertaining aspect were the costumed pirates roaming the small alleys created by the arrangement of the shop tents. Near a dozen characters from the pirates of the Caribbean trilogy were balanced by other more authentic—or at least not as commercially derived—pirates. Without question, for me, the absolute highlight of these roaming characters was a tall man completely done up down to the literal score of rings on his fingers accompanied by his three parrots. Not fake birds sitting dead on his shoulder, mind you, but real living birds. Better than this, he was putting on a little show, handing off his birds to passersby, sometimes spontaneously perching them on an unsuspecting spectator’s shoulder.

In addition to the six of us from San Francisco, we met up with one of the girls friends and her 4 year old son. Perhaps it goes without being said, but he had an fantastic time. More than that though, he made it more enjoyable for all of us I think. The duels I alluded to earlier…they were his doing. Most of us took our turns with this unbridled fighter, failing to turn back his ferocious attacks. Dan perhaps suffered the worst fate…dying at the hands of the little rug rat. Actually, it wasn’t a bad trade since his lying dead earned him a gold piece from a passing pirate who in paying his respects laid It upon his eye to help in pay the boatman as he passed. This was more fortuitous than any of us imagined, for it was but a short time later he got himself caught by slavers while playing around in an ostensibly abandoned cage.

All-in-all the festival itself was quite enjoyable. Good food, good people, good shops, and good fun! When it came down to it though, it was little more than a RenFaire with flags and a disproportionate amount of pirates. Jousts were replaced by cannon exchanges and jugglers with parrot people. Don’t get me wrong! This was NOT a bad thing. I have quite the affinity for RenFaires and hope to get to one soon. But it did make me miss my friends from school with whom I could have likely roamed the rows of shops for hours, looking at everything, playing with swords, and taking turns trying on hand made clothes and armor of all sorts. Perhaps with some convincing I can get some of them out when they do the NorCal RenFaire!

While the trip out didn’t resolve the heated pirate debate which car was superior: “cool” or “fun”, it is my opinion that the return trip was conclusive. Pulling up to the toll for the Bay Bridge coming back into San Francisco, we in the “cool” car bounced and bop to 80’s rock with the windows down. Just chilling in line who do we see pull up next to us? You guessed it…the “fun” car with a somber captain and two near sleeping crew. In that moment our pride welled and we dubbed ourselves the “cool funner” car—we’re pirates so don’t get on us for the grammar—for the rest of the trip back. The End.

The Title Explained: So the title is based on the combination of two concepts. The first I’m sure you’ve all got: ARRRR is a pirate thing. The second is a bit of an inside joke. The short of it is that since moving to San Francisco I have become quite the champion for it when speaking to my friends—one in particularly. Poking fun at my apparent fanaticism about the city, he held the following conversation with himself, presumably mocking this obsession:

Me (voiced by him): So how is it where you are?

Them (also voiced by him): Not bad, a bit (hot/cold/windy/rainy/etc.). how about in SF?

Me: Same as always. Mid-60s, sunny, slight breeze.

Them: What about all that fog?

Me: Fog is no problem, all it does is obscure the horizon.

Them: Oh right, its just the viel of paradise keeping out ugliness and those not worthy.

I thought it was extremely funny—though after trying to type it out, perhaps you had to be there..or at least here him voice it in his excessively sarcastic way. And ever since, whenever fog is mentioned we come back to remembering that its not fog; its just the veil of paradise. So since we traveled outside San Francisco for the Pirate Fest, we pierced the veil of paradise. There you have it—more information than you cared to know. Until next time!