One thing i have done a lot of in college is talk. Usually in strange groups even I try to say something even if it really doesn’t make sense just so i don’t sit there in silence. When i talk though, mostly its to my friends, people who i feel i can open up to; however, can you say too much to even a friend?
My answer to this question, as it is to many is “maybe”. Most of the time I am a proponent of full disclosure when it comes to most everything. How I feel, what i am thinking, etc. This even goes to more abstract things like computer security, but i’ll not bring that into this for the sake of the majority of you who don’t care :-p If someone is your friend, then sharing of all information to me seems like a good way to build trust, and strengthen the bonds that hold the friendship together. Of course, if what get said doesn’t help that then perhaps they aren’t the kind of friend you thought they were.
Now, moving away from that, since it would bring me into a hierarchy of friendship regarding what kind of interaction you have with different kinds of friends, I’d like to more focus on the downsides to my preferred discipline of full disclosure.
What can happen when you tell someone you care about as a friend too much. First of all, can you tell someone you are good friends with too much? Theoretically, that kind of friendship should be able to move beyond anything that could be said. What if that’s not the case. What if you said something that once in the open changes things. I think that a lot of the time it can be ignored, cast to the side in hopes that by being out of sight it could pass out of mind as well. The thing is–and i cannot speak for anyone but myself here–things don’t seem to ever pass out of mind when they are of that nature. Wow, I’m not being very clear here. Cause what is “that nature”. Well, I mean things that possible could make awkward a friendship.
So what do you do if something like that gets said. I’ve already said that i think often they are ignored by all parties involved. I say this for two main reasons. One, if the topic didn’t float once, then there is always fear it won’t again. Secondly is the extreme awkwardness that comes when trying to bring up a once cast aside topic even if there is belief that there lies potential in doing so. That fear of awkwardness alone can cause people to not want to think about it again.
Now, what to do about these situations? Well, there are obviously two choices. 1) Let it die. 2) Take the risk and say something. Generally, I do the latter…eventually at least. At the moment, however, I question that policy. I question it while i sit between those choices.
This brings me back to my first point in some manner I’m sure, though I’m not positive how. I think it returns us to the question of can you say too much to a good friend. Because if in fact i continue as i usually would and ask those questions, or bring up those topics, where would i end up? If it falls on its face, can the friendship get over it? Thats my dilemma. Sure I’m being mello-dramatic about it, but hey, the point is still valid i think.
Anyhow, I think i’m going to sleep on that. So until next time…
*bows*
*turns*
*leaves*
